A friend (and former co-worker) died suddenly last week. Twinkie was the first person to call me with the news. I am not sure what is wrong with me but my reaction to this tragedy was very abnormal.

Even though I am heartbroken, I just do not have it in me to really cry. I read the obituary, I got the details of the visitation and funeral, but the deep tears are not there. I know that I am emotionally bankrupt because of the stress from Mark's illness, but I think part of me also refuses to believe that I will never speak with her again. It breaks my heart that she never really understood how many lives she touched.

I am mad that life failed her. I am mad that people took advantage of her. I am mad that no one (including me) could help her. I am mad that she died too young.

Dear Lisa,

I will miss your infectious laugh and your off-beat sense of humor.

I will miss your child-like innocence

I will miss the way you could never hold a grudge

I will miss the way we tried to one up each other with tales of our dysfunctional lives.

I will miss the funny little presents you gave me, like my 36th birthday when you gave me a can of "Whoop Ass" and the tiara.

I will miss the way we could make a joke about some of our most painful experiences.

I will miss the cynical e-mails we exchanged and the inside jokes they contained.

I will miss the way you always begged me to apply for a job in your department so we could work together again.

I will miss the way you sat at your desk, barefoot, with your legs crossed.

I will miss the way you could make me laugh, like the time you told me how mad it made you that he looked better in a skirt than you did.

I will miss the way that you told stories that were side-splitting funny like the time you were asked out by the co-worker who looked like the English Patient (after the plane crash.)

I will miss the way you kept your sense of humor even when your world was falling apart.

I will miss you and our friendship.

There are two things I know; I will always remember you and one day soon I will cry over loosing you.