A friend (and former co-worker) died suddenly last week. Twinkie was the first person to call me with the news. I am not sure what is wrong with me but my reaction to this tragedy was very abnormal.

Even though I am heartbroken, I just do not have it in me to really cry. I read the obituary, I got the details of the visitation and funeral, but the deep tears are not there. I know that I am emotionally bankrupt because of the stress from Mark's illness, but I think part of me also refuses to believe that I will never speak with her again. It breaks my heart that she never really understood how many lives she touched.

I am mad that life failed her. I am mad that people took advantage of her. I am mad that no one (including me) could help her. I am mad that she died too young.

Dear Lisa,

I will miss your infectious laugh and your off-beat sense of humor.

I will miss your child-like innocence

I will miss the way you could never hold a grudge

I will miss the way we tried to one up each other with tales of our dysfunctional lives.

I will miss the funny little presents you gave me, like my 36th birthday when you gave me a can of "Whoop Ass" and the tiara.

I will miss the way we could make a joke about some of our most painful experiences.

I will miss the cynical e-mails we exchanged and the inside jokes they contained.

I will miss the way you always begged me to apply for a job in your department so we could work together again.

I will miss the way you sat at your desk, barefoot, with your legs crossed.

I will miss the way you could make me laugh, like the time you told me how mad it made you that he looked better in a skirt than you did.

I will miss the way that you told stories that were side-splitting funny like the time you were asked out by the co-worker who looked like the English Patient (after the plane crash.)

I will miss the way you kept your sense of humor even when your world was falling apart.

I will miss you and our friendship.

There are two things I know; I will always remember you and one day soon I will cry over loosing you.

Have you ever went so many days without sleep that you get manic and have all this energy? I am afraid to know what will happen when I finally crash.

I currently have two sick people in the house. And I have to try to make sure that H3 does not come into contact with any of the germs that are making the kid sick.
I have been walking around with a container of Lysol antibacterial wipes, swiping everything I can see. I am going to loose my mind.

Is this penance for taking an all girls weekend?

To all of you who have called and offered help, thank you. Your words and thoughts have keep me sane.

Love Angela