I had another one of those manic, ADD, lack of impulse control moments. I woke up Saturday morning and decided to pull up the living room carpet. Unfortunately H3 failed to stop me and now we are too far in to turn back.

I know it seem crazy to pull up carpeting without any clue what you will replace it with but logical thought is not in my vocabulary when I am in this state of mind.
Amazingly we found 2-inch thick oak floors beneath all that ugly, cheep floor covering. And except for one hide able spot, they are in good condition. Of course they needed a little TLC so I came up with the bright idea to strip and refinish them.

H3 went to DYI and brought up the fact that they mention several times that it's best to hire a professional. He asked me several times if I was sure I knew what I was doing.

Me? Ha! Well we're headed into day three and the floors have finally been stripped and sanded. Today I sent H3 to Lowes at least six times in search of the perfect stain. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Have you ever looked at someone who is totally alone in life and wonder how they got to that isolated place? I have come to the conclusion that people who are alone in life are that way because they take advantage of others. And I don’t mean the occasional “can you go out of your way to help me” kind of taking advantage. I think its the type of taking advantage were they do not value the other person and assume that they can do anything they want, as long as they say I’m sorry or promise that it won’t happen again.

Then one day they wake up one day to find out that they are totally alone in this world. It’s like they’re a black hole that eventually sucks the light out of everyone around. The sad thing is that by the time they realize it, its too late to change the path.

I used to feel sorry for people that were old and alone. Not any more. I bet if you look back through their life there are a string of broken hearts and broken promises.

I’ve been struggling with an issue that I finally resolved tonight. About a year ago I created a My Space account so I could look at some images that megmonster had posted there. Duirng this past year several of my underage family members and friend's children have added me to their friends list.

I have enjoyed being able to feel a little closer to them (even though I am so far away) by reading what’s going on. The problem is that people will post almost anything on My Space.

So I struggle with reading certain things and feeling like I am betraying my siblings and friends by not alerting them to problems that their children may be involved in.

So far I have never mentioned what I know. But if anything ever happened to one of them, I would feel partially to blame. That’s why I made the choice to delete all underage relatives from my account tonight. Maybe it’s a wimpy way to handle this, but ignorance is bliss.

Now that only leaves one adult niece and my grown children to stalk. I figure if you’re a self-supporting adult you can make your own choices and no one has a right to tell you how to live.

But when you’re 12 or 13...well someone should be paying attention to what’s going on. I guess what amazes me is how naïve parents can be.

A few weeks ago I was at the little theatre in town and watched the following incident.

My friend Mickey owns the place and he watches out for all the kids who go in and out. One of the rules is, if you leave the building during the movie you can’t go back in. The reason is that parents would drop the kids off; the kids would sneak out, and then come back in about 15 minutes before the movie ended.

On this night a group of girls left to meet some guys across the street. Before they left, they were told they could not get back in. So to cover their asses the girls told one of the mothers that they had dropped their cell phone and had went outside to find it. They also claimed that is why Mickey would not let them back in.

When Mickey and about four other employees (and several patrons) tried to tell this woman that her little angle had left to meet boys, the woman started cussing and screaming that her daughter had never lied to her. This bitch even left and called the police to try and tell them that Mickey had stolen her daughter’s admission money. Of course the police told her to leave and that she was banned from the premises. I would bet good money that this woman’s little angel will be knocked up within two years.

Here is what I tell every parent I know -- If you really want to know what your child is up to, just read their comments on My Space. And if you don’t know what your kids are writing about on My Space (or you do not have access to their account) then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Last night we drive out to South Point Mall in Durham. hI have never been big fan of malls but several of the malls in the triangle combine inside shopping with outside areas where you can enjoy the weather and people watch.

We decided to eat dinner at California Pizza Kitchen because H3 loves the Sicilian Pizza and keeping him happy makes the night more enjoyable.

Because it was Saturday night the wait for a table was 30 minutes. So while H3 waited I took the kid Pottery Barn Kids and walked around the outside strip. I love the outside areas where there is music and lots of people strolling under the fall stars.

Right in front of Barnes and Noble there was a young juggler who was the street performer of the night. The kid was fascinated by him, especially when juggled flaming torches and knives while balancing on a two-wheel skateboard. Thank goodness the sets were short or I would never have gotten him back to the pizza kitchen.

As the kid described the act to H3 I thought he would pee in his pants from excitement. We promised him we would walk back there after we ate and watch another set. The meal was as good as chain food can get and then we walked back to watch more juggling. By this time it was after 9 and the inside mall was closed. But Barnes and Noble stays open until 11:00 so we decided to get some books and drink a cup of coffee before we headed home.

H3 and the kid grabbed the only open table (looks like everyone else had the same idea we did) and I stood in the long (slow) line. The wait might not have been too bad if it were not for this moron in front of me. Have you ever looked at someone and realized you could run them over and not feel a bit of guilt?

First he was ugly. Not birth defect ugly or “I can't help it ugly,” but ugly in the “I think I am hot but I just look stupid ugly.” First He was fat (not that it was the defining thing because I belong to that subgroup myself) but in a short, compact, even my fingers are so swollen I can't make a fist and I walk like Frankenstein kind of way. Then he had this greasy hairstyle that you realize was greasy because he put too much product in his hair. He was also wearing a black leather car length coat that made him look even shorter and more compact than he was. He reminded me of an annoying Chris Farley character. And to top it all off he had a big zit on the edge of his lip that reminded me of Bill Murray in Osmosis Jones.

But what really made me want to run him over was the way he acted with his date. I really could not tell what the relationship (stuck in hell or awkward date) was but this poor girl never looked up or said more than two words. He talked non stop about himself and how great he was. Then every few seconds he would lean over, try to put his arm around her (because they were so stubby and fat it only went mid-way around her back) and he would try to kiss her cheek.

The girl would pull away slightly and turn her head so his lips hit her hair. Once she did not see him coming and he got her cheek where he proceeded to give her a raspberry. That is when she spoke and said “that was gross,” which made him laugh.

He must have kissed her head 30 times in the 10 minutes we stood there. Because the girl kept her head looking at the floor the entire time, he would always lean into her body space when talking to her. He kept asking her if she wanted anything to eat or drink but would just shake her head no.

I was to the point that I almost abandoned my position in line but I was too close to the end to give up. Right before he gave his order he started talking about how people at work always tell him what a great job his parents did raising him because he was such an incredible man.

It took all of my strength not to look at her and say "for God's sake end the insanity and run away as fast as you can."

This guy was a cross between Bill Murray's character Todd LaBounta from Saturday Night Live and Chris Farley from "Tommy Boy." Any moment I thought him would break out and sing "Fat guy in a little coat. Fat guy in a little coat" then give her a noogie.

I met Julie at Meredith College for the Amy Sedaris book signing. Not only is Amy amazingly cute and fantastically funny, she is very friendly.

I bought two copies of her new book I LIKE YOU: HOSPITALITY UNDER THE INFLUENCE. I had her sign one for Megmonster and one for my collection of cooking and entertaining books. I must admit this book is very unique. It must be the only book on the planet that gives out cooking tips and advice on keeping your vagina clean and fresh.

Since Amy is from Raleigh some of the Sedaris clan was there. Her brother The Rooster was hawking his "you can't kill the Rooster" aprons and bar-b-que sauce.

Julie was smart enough to bring her camera and captured these shots.

Next April, David Sedaris is doing a book signing in the town between Mayberry and Raleigh. Julie and I already plan to go.

I am going to see Amy Sedaris tomorrow night with Jolly Green Julie. I was really excited when Julie said she had an extra ticket and offered to let me go along. While I think that Amy Sedaris is funny, I am more of a fan of her brother David.

I am sitting here feeling like such a poseur because I had never even read a David Sedaris book until megmonster loaned me her copy of Naked. Megs is a major Amy Sedaris fan. She thinks that Amy is the funniest person on earth and wants me to tell Amy that she loves her.

So the real reason I am going (besides the fact that it's free) is to try and be more like Megmonster. Do you find it odd that I idolize my daughter and want to be just like her when I grow up?

For all of you who have asked (and for those who are wondering) the toxic cloud never made it our way. They have warned that trace amounts of the chemicals could show up in the water supply during the next week, but no one drinks the nasty water around here anyway.

When Meg monster was growing up I never thought about the fact that she was left handed. My brother is left handed so it just seemed like another distinct quality like blue eyes versus brown.

Maybe I should have been more attentive. I never made any special accommodations for her and really never thought about how difficult it must be to live in a right-handed world.

Her left-handedness was something that we never really discussed. Of course there were times that it was addressed. When sitting in a restaurant booth you didn’t want to be on her left or else you would continually hit elbows. I also made sure we purchased left handed scissors for her school box, but I never made sure we had them in the house. And when she played softball one year, I did search everywhere for an affordable left handed glove.

I liked the fact that she was different. Her father (a tennis player in college) was excited that she was a lefty because he knew she would be a star tennis player. It has something to do with the way the ball comes off a left-hander’s racquet. Unfortunately he lived in another state and I never got around to signing her up for those lessons.

It’s strange to think that in recent history lefties were considered servants of the devil. And up until a few decades ago Japanese men could sue for divorce based on having a left-handed wife. Even today, Muslims have rules against using the left hand for many tasks.

I’ve read that lefties are more accident prone. But other than the two times she crushed her thumb in sliding glass doors when she was three, I never noticed any issues. Of course I have learned through the Internet that she is more likely to loose a finger in a power tool accident and I know for a fact that her “dude-guy” gets nervous when she chops with a knife.

(Then again I have several ex-husbands that get nervous when I have access to knives.)

Studies claim that 13 out of 100 humans are left handed. Out of that number nine will be left-handed and gay and three will be left-handed, gay and missing a limb. Bless their hearts.

I like the left-hand path. I think those who lean to the left embrace individualism, creativity and free thought. Maybe that’s why I never thought of Megmonster’s plight as being anything but her individual style.

So next August 13, I hope to make up for all the years I ignored her plight and celebrate Left-Handers Day by doing something special for her.

My 7-year-old is ambidextrous. I guess he is just doomed.