On my drive home from work I never get to hear a complete song on the radio.
All the cats in town run free; my cats stare out the windows.
You don't have to bag your yard waste. You just drag (or rake) it to the curb and it gets picked up.
The town folk will pay for large orders in change at the grocery store; Others in line do not mind waiting.
Everyone waves when you drive by.
People at the post office actually know who you are and will ask how your husband, (mother, dog, kid, Aunt Connie Belle or Uncle Elmer) is doing.
Others in line do not seem to mind waiting while the personal histories are shared.
The speed limit is 25 mph in 90 percent of the town.
When I was on I-95 the other day I was driving 55 mph and felt like I was speeding,
There are more churches and playgrounds than gas stations,
Everyone leaves work at 5:00.
Many women have two names – Mary Eunice, Connie Bell, Polly Ann, Mary Helen, Mildred Lee…..

More people voted for Bo and Carrie than voted in the 2004 Presidential election.

Estimated number of voters in 2004 election -- 115.7 million

Number of votes for Bo and Carrie for American Idol 2005 -- 500 million

Until I can get all my files set up on a new server you get the Vanilla Blog.

Something happened to Mayberry over the past twenty years -- it's now 60 percent Hispanic. I am a little surprised by the change in culture. All the signs in town are now in Spanish and English. And don't even try going to "the Wal-Mart" on Sunday. Mark lived in Houston for 7 years and he said he has never seen this many Hispanics since he left Texas.

I wish I had taken Spanish in college, instead of French. Yesterday someone called the house and kept talking to me in Spanish. I was trying to explain that they had the wrong number but it did no good. The man just kept talking. Then I remembered the only complete Spanish phrase I know -- No hablo español. The Man paused, then said "apesadumbrad."

I was sure he had just called me a "dumb broad" but when I looked it up I found out he said "sorry."

Here's a great multicultural story for you.

Miss Polly is our 85-year-old neighbor. She decided to get some take out from the Chinese place next to Wal-Mart. While she was there a Mexican woman and her kids were just leaving.

The Mexican woman was parked in a no-parking zone. Well, Miss Polly got her food and left. When she stepped off the curb, she realized that the Mexican woman was backing her car up and there was no way Miss Polly's little old bones could get out of the way.

The last thing Miss Polly remembers was saying "Lord have mercy." Well he must have because the next thing Miss Polly remembers was the Mexican woman (who spoke no English) and the Chinese woman from behind the counter standing over her yelling.

Luckily someone who spoke English called an ambulance and Miss Polly (though bruised and needing a few stitches) is doing fine.

Seriously, you can't make this sh*t up.

The 6' by 9' hole in the floor has grown to approximately 25' by '20. At this rate we will be living in a tent. This is a shot of the hall that leads into the office and laundry room. I am not brave enough to cross over the joist to get a picture of the entire room.

This is a shot of what is supposed to be the kitchen. Right now it also holds all the contents of the office and laundry room -- including the washer and dryer.

When we moved in we had a small child with us. He went into the kitchen for a drink and we have not seen him in days.

I have officially crossed over from home sick to insane. Mark and I were eating lunch at the Coffee Pot today when he pointed out that the guy next to us was wearing a Louisville Cardinals shirt. This poor man was having a quiet lunch with his wife and small daughter. When I realized what was on the shirt I starting yelling "Are you from Louisville? We just moved here from there last week."

Then I proceeded to ask him about 50 personal questions. When he said his dad lived on Woodlawn and they had visited there last week, I started rambling about how that was only a few miles from where we had lived. I was acting like a mad woman. The guy looked startled and the wife picked up the little girl and went out the front door. When the guy started to walk away I said "Here's my business card, stop by and see me sometime." He politely took it from me but had that look that said "No way psycho."

Poor Mark was so embarrassed he began to look for a way to sneak out the restaurant's back door. Boy do I need to get a grip.

I want to go home.

The good news is; we are just renting. The bad news? There is a 6' by 9' hole in the laundry room/office floor.

The plumber came to install the new water heater today and found out that he could not drain the old one (40 gallon tank) because the fire had melted the drain valve. So the hubby and the plumber were attempting to move the thing when it fell through the rotted floor. So now we have a huge hole and mold and mildew galore. We did get a new water heater and the plumber installed it in another part of the office/laundry room so that we could use it.

On Monday they will put a new floor in and we can move the washer, dryer and Mark's office back in. The landlord has been great. He is doing everything he can to fix the problem. It's just a huge problem. Since the prior renters did everything they could to hide the damage no one, not us or the landlord (who happens to be 85-years-old), knew there had been a fire (self-started) or that the water heater leaked.

I felt sorry for the old guy. He just kept saying, "why didn't they tell me so I could have prevented this kind of damage?" The fact that they spoke no English and the six-year-old daughter translated for them could have been one factor.

Can't make this sh*t up.

The truck is only half unpacked and I am seriously considering just jumping in the car and heading to the beach. Why?

It seems that the family who lived here before us failed to pay the gas bill and it was cut off about one year ago. Why would that be a problem for me, you ask? Well they only moved out six weeks ago.

No it's not a typo, I did write six weeks ago, and yes, they lived here for a year with no hot water or heat. The big problem is that they tried to heat the water in the water heater by lighting a fire under it.

Yes I also shook my head in disbelief. It gets better though. The fire melted the bottom of the water heater, they did not shut the water off and the floor rotted to the point of near collaspe. But they were cleaver enough to put down new vinyl so it did not show.

To make a long story short, the gas company condemned the water heater, the furnace gas lines, and the entire floor structure has to be pulled up and replaced.

A nice hotel room with an ocean view and tropical drinks sounds like a good plan.

Thanks for always being there Twinkie.

Tomorrow is the big moving day. Are we ready? Of course not. I will be up all night packing last minute things. But staying busy will keep me from having an emotional breakdown. It has not really sunk in that I am leaving my family and friends. But there is always the Internet, cell phones, SouthWest Airlines.

Mark and I spent went to the Kentucky Derby yesterday. Every year I am invited to be a part of the publicity staff. I compile the "receives" after the big race. Instead of 300 reporters trying to interview the jockey and trainer, one person does it and we create a book with all the quotes and distribute it to the media.

The number 10 horse, Giacomo won the Derby as a 50-1 long shot. OMG, we were all stunned. And of course I continued my loosing streak by betting on another wrong long-shot. The pay-offs were unreal. $102 on a $2 bet, and the Superfecta was an amazing $850,000.

Here's the deal with the Derby. You never know who is going to win. It's more about luck than skill. When you put 20 horses on a track, anything can happen due to the size of the crowd. From now on I am betting all the long shots.

Churchill Down just completed a major renovation. The press box was incredible and the views even better. We were right there, on the same level with millionaires row. Saw lots of celebrities this year.

One ironic sighting -- no one else recognized her -- was Estella from The Bachelor. For those of you who don't know the story:

Estella was selected by Bachelor Bob (AKA kissing Bob). Before the final show even aired, Bachelor Bob had set his eyes on All My Children star Rebecca Budig. From what I read Bob dumped Estella as soon as he could and then married Budig.

So her is the irony; Not only was Estella at Derby, so was Bachelor Bob and his bride Rebecca Budig. I would have loved to have seen them run into each other on the elevator.

My favorite sighting of the day was Steven Culp who plays Rex Van De Kamp on Desperate Housewives. He is so hot in person. Much younger than he looks on TV.

Other close encounters: Usher, Lynn Whitfield, Kid Rock, Tim Couch, Richard Branson, Tara Reid....

Here some pics from our Derby-Day adventure.

Some days I feel like Dorothy. When I finally pull back the curtain I discover the person behind it is not magical but a con-artist who pretends to be something they are not.

There is a woman "I'll cal her TC" who has been a close friend for 8 years. There was a time when I would have said she was my best friend. She has many issues. Aside from a drinking problem, she is a pathological liar and steals.

The drama that surrounds her drains me but every time I have distanced myself, I let her back in.

Over the past 8 years she stole stupid stuff from me. I always justified it by convincing myself that she must have mistakenly picked it up, yada, yada, yada. But in the end I was never able to confront her about the lies or the stealing.

Yesterday she took something more substantial and I finally confronted her. Of course she went nuts and claimed she was innocent. Problem is that she is the only person who had access to it.

Twinkie said that I should have confronted her years ago and she is right. But why do I feel like such a witch now?