As part of our free vacation we promised to take Evan to the Norfolk Zoo. I was not impressed (compared to the Louisville Zoo) but Evan was excited. We had only been there for 15 minutes when the heavens opened up and the monsoon started.

We were drenched beyond belief and there was no end in sight. I offered to go all the way out to the car and get dry clothes and umbrellas for us all. It was raining so heavily that I had to pull clothes out of the suitcase while balancing an umbrella and the trunk half-open (Would that be half-closed if you're a pessimist like me?)

I didn't worry about finding the "best clothes," just something dry. The first thing I grabbed for the hubby was this sleeveless, wife-beater shirt that he sleeps in. He complained some, but I was standing there dripping wet and mascara running down my face so he got no sympathy from me.

We changed into the dry clothes and continued (surrounded by the lightning and drenching rain) to look around the zoo. Of course, there were no animals to see because they were smart enough to get out of the rain.

We left the zoo at 4:00 pm, just in time to get across the bay/bridge tunnel before rush hour hit. That was the plan anyway, until we got lost and drove, for more than an hour) in circles around Norfolk and Virginia Beach for. Two hours later we made it to I-95 and I finally felt like we were heading home. (Well not really "home" since I still consider Louisville "home" but we were heading to the house we currently occupy.) Since we were still damp and very tired we decided to stop at Cracker Barrel to finish drying off and eat warm food.

After we were seated, Mark decided to go outside and change his wet socks and shoes. After a somewhat relaxing meal we paid the bill and walked to the car. That's when I noticed the lights were on. Mark had left them on when he lit his cigarette when changing shoes.

This was not a happy moment for the Lawson clan. Mark seemed to think that the battery might spontaneously regenerate, but I knew he just did not want to ask anyone for help. After waiting 15 - 20 minutes for a miracle I started nagging. We thought our luck had changed when a couple got into the car next to us. As they started to back up, Mark walked up to the passenger side and knocked on the passenger-side window.

By the look on their faces you would have thought he was going to car jack them. Of course, he was still wearing that lovely sleeveless shirt. The woman finally rolled down her window and Mark tried to describe our predicament. They truly looked terrified. Finally the man said (with a heavy German accent), "we don't speak English." At this point I looked at them and said, "Never mind."

That's when I remembered the cute "jumper cable for girls" set in the Cracker Barrel gift shop. Mark went to buy them -- $7.95 -- and asked several people for help. After being turned down twice, he found a man who was willing to help us get back on the road.

Next Chapter: Norfolk Part Duex

For the past three Monday's I was in Norfolk, VA on business. It's only a three hour drive from my home so I took the family (since work is paying for the hotel and gas) for a "free vacation" of sorts.

I needed to leave home no later than 2:00 the first Monday in order to get checked into the hotel and then to the movie venue were I was scheduled to speak before the show started. We got a late start (as always) but I was not worried because I figured I would "push the peddle to the metal" and shave some time off the trip.

So 30 miles from my destination the husband yells, "there's a cop.' Well "the cop" was flying down the opposite side of the highway so I was not worried.

WRONG! The next thing I knew I was being pulled over. The area was in the middle of nowhere with nothing around but a long stretch of road and cotton fields.

When I looked in the side mirror I noticed that it was a "chick" cop so I was hoping she might give me some kind of "sisterhood" break. WRONG AGAIN!

She wrote me up for going 75 mph in a 55 mph zone. She did not even drop it to 74 so I would not get points. After waiting for what seemed like hours for her to do the paperwork and run the tags we finally get back on the road. That is when the husband announces that "she" probably would not have pulled me over if I had slowed down and showed her some respect.

WHAT? You mean to tell me there is some unspoken rules of etiquette to speeding. That just made me madder. Needless to say I was stressed and running really late. I made it to the speaking engagement just as the show was starting, but the owner said I could speak after the movie.

The theatre was packed so I took one of the few seats left. Suddenly this woman turned around and said, "That seat is broken."

Well it looked fine to me so I very carefully sat down. It looked okay for me, so I settled in. Thirty minutes into the show there was a loud clank and my seat collapsed on one side. At that moment I just wanted to be invisible but everyone one around me jumped up to see if I was okay. Then this woman turned around and said "I told you it was broke."

The rest of the evening was not as eventful so after having dinner with a local reporter I went back to the hotel and went to sleep.

Next Chapter: The Monsoon Season

I am not sure what my current circumstances say about karma but I wish someone would let me in on the joke.

Why is everyone in this town over 75 years old? In the past month two of our neighbors have moved into nursing homes. Some people might be thrilled to have empty houses on each side but I am feeling very isolated from the world.

I work with old people, my neighbors are old people, and my landlord is old. What is wrong with this town? It's like Stepford Wives gone bad. This town is more like Stepford Widows.

Tonight the doorbell rang at 8:30. We were quite surprised since we have no friends. It was Miss Polly. She is the neighbor who was run over in the Wal-Mart parking lot. She is in her mid-eighties I believe. Anyway she wanted to make sure we got the apples she left us.

I had no clue what she was talking about but humored her anyway. It seems that she is tending the garden of one of the neighbors that went into the home. She stayed about 20 minutes telling us stories about her cats and all her artificial joints.

Since she stayed longer than she had planned so I had to walk her home because it was dark and she was afraid of falling. Most of my friends back in the 'vill have peed in their pants by now after reading this. I am sure the thought that my new best friend is 80-ish is good for a laugh.

Anyway, when I came back I went to the back door and there they were – 40 plus green apples no bigger than a golf ball, lying on the back porch. And I am afraid to throw them out. What if she comes back and wants to know what I did with them.

At some point in my life I must have been mean to an old person. Karma sucks.