Once again my life sucks ( I am in the middle of yard-sale hell) so I am going to answer a question post from the clever and wickedly funny Kiddo to make my blog less boring.

HAVE I EVER:

Snuck out of the house -- Yes, many times. Usually it was with my best-friend Carolyn. One time we attempted to stay out all night. The parents thought we were at the others' house. After a joy-ride in her older sister's car (we were 13) we wandered the 'hood. Since everyone else had a 10:00 curfew and everything in walking distance was closed, we were bored by midnight and went back to her house and went to bed.

Gotten lost in your city -- I've lived in so many cities I have been lost many times.

Been to any other countries besides the united states -- St Marteen

Had a serious surgery -- Yes

Gone out in public in your pajamas -- A few years ago we had a New Year's Eve pajama party at the redneck karaoke bar. I don't remember a lot of it though.

Kissed a stranger -- Yes and usually alcohol was involved.

Hugged a stranger -- Yes, see above excuse.

Been in a fist fight -- I got in several in high school. Seems stupid now.

Been arrested -- Amazingly no.

Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose -- Of course.

Pushed all the buttons on an elevator -- Never. I hate elevators.

Swore at your parents -- I am very ashamed to say I have. Sorry Mom.

Been in love -- Several times.

Been close to love -- I am not sure where that line is.

Been to a casino -- Vegas Baby!!!!!

Been skydiving -- Are you kidding? They don't make enough drugs to get me to jump.

Skinny-dipped -- after a night of of drunken karaoke a group of us went back to Glen's house and stripped down to our undies. We had to be very quiet because he lived with his mom. Have you ever seen a bunch of mid-30s adults drunk, swimming half-naked and hiding from someone's mom like they are kids? As Twinkie said, can't make this shit up.

Skipped school -- In 7th grade I skipped 30 days straight. The school was really wild and the teachers did not care. Needless to say when my parents found out, I was in big trouble and got sent to a private Christian school.

Seen a therapist -- A better question for me would be "Can you remember the names of all the therapists you have seen."

Played spin the bottle -- I may have but I can't really remember it.

Gotten stitches -- Yes. Two months ago I was putting in a new floor and I cut the tips of my finger off with a utility knife. The cut did not hurt but when they stuck an needle in the tip to numb it I scream like a banshee. I want to puke just thinking about it.

Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour - Maybe three 8 oz glasses with abx of Entenmans Chocolate Donuts.

Bitten someone - Don't think so but I would not rule it out as a lost memory.

Been to Niagara Falls - No

Gotten the chicken pox -- Yes, I don't remember it but I have a scar in the middle of my forehead.

Kissed a member of the opposite sex - Yes

Crashed into a friend's car - No, but I did back into my daughter's boyfriend's car, and my daughter's car, and my ex-husband's car. I have issues with backing up.

Been to Japan --No, but my roommate at boarding school was Japanese. When Kiyomi's parents sent care packages she would get gross stuff like dried squid.

Ridden in a taxi - Yep and I HATE them.

Been dumped - Yeah several times. The worst was when Jamie dumped me our senior year of high school and I was 4 months pregnant. I had to watch him date other girls at school. It sucked. I did try to pull one of the girlfriends through the car window (by her hair) when I was 7 months pregnant. I'm sure that was a sight.

Shoplifted - Ugh, I hate these questions. Yes when I was in middle school my friend and I took some cheap jewelry from some dime store. My mom read a letter we wrote talking about it and I was in big trouble.

Been fired - I had never been fired until this past year and I was fired three times in 12 months. Twinkie says one does not count because it was when I was filling in for one of the DJs at a little redneck dive. Last year sucked for me.

Had a crush on someone of the same sex - Yes, but I am not naming names.

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - Kind of, but not deep feelings more like lust feelings.

Gone on a blind date - Yes and it was horrible. I dumped him half way through the night.

Lied to a friend - I can't think of anything recent. It probably involved Tami C.

Had a crush on a teacher - One in college. He was more of a TA and we would go drinking after class. He liked my friend Laura though.

Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans - Would love to!Been to Europe - Not yet

Slept with a co-worker - More times than I wish to remember

Been married - Third times a charm.

Gotten divorced - Yes and I don't regret it. Either time.

Had children - Third times a charm, oh I said that already.

Seen someone die - No.

Had a close friend die - Yes, several.

Been to Africa - No.

Driven over 400 miles in one day - Yes and it sucks.

Been to Canada - Yes. Drove from Detroit into Canada and turned around and came back just so I could say I had been to Canada. How stupid is that?

Been to Mexico - No but I want to.

Been on a plane - Yes but they scare me.

Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show - Yes and I never get tired of it.

Thrown up in a bar - No but in the parking lot of Big Boy when went went for the 4:00 am breakfast.

Purposely set a part of myself on fire - Not into pain

Eaten Sushi - Yes. I had great sushi last week with my friend Victoria.

Been skiing/snowboarding - Skiing, yes and I suck at it. Never been snowboard.

Met someone in person from the internet - Not yet.

Lost a child - Horrible question. I can't even imagine how I would survive.

Gone to college - Yes, BA in Communications with emphasis in Public Relations

Graduated college - Yes, University of Louisville

Fired a gun - No and I refuse to.

Purposely hurt yourself - See fire question

Taken painkillers - Yes but I am not a big fan, they make me sick:

There's only 13 days left and I am not sure if we are going to make it. I feel so overwhelmed. I have a lot to share but no time. I will be blogging like crazy when we get to NC.

Sperm donor (aka my biological father) called tonight to say Starla had entered rehab today. Since she has no insurance she has been hanging out in a hotel room our father paid for, waiting for a spot to open at the free rehab center.

So sperm donor said that he was not feeling well today and he made arrangements for Starla's grandmother (who is not really her grandmother -- she's really sperm donor's life-long poker buddy) to drive Starla to the rehab center. But as usual grandma got tied up in a poker game and could not (would not) leave. And since Sperm donor was to worn out from running the strip club all night, he would not take her.

So Starla's ex-boyfriend's mother (also the woman who has been raising Starla's two-year-old daughter) went to the hotel and arranged for a cab to pick her up and take her to the rehab center.

And they wonder why she is so screwed up. When your own father can't drive you to check into rehab and your pretend grandma gets stuck in a poker game, you really don't have much hope.

According to sperm donor she is in lock-down for 72 hours and then will be transfered to another long-term rehab.

I wish I could find the strength to contact her, but I am just not there yet.

Here are Twinkie's five questions. Remember, the "rule" is that you have to post it on your blog and copy/paste the request for others...you can find the rules below in the post with my answers...

1. Let's assume you shaved your head for charity. While you waited for your hair to grow back, what type and color wig would you wear and why?

2. If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?

3. Name five of your most unique friends and why you feel they stand out from the crowd.

4. If you could resemble any celebrity who would it be and why?

5. Think back ten years. What did you think your life would be like now? Is it similar or different? Explain.

Kiddo asked me the following 5 questions. It's a new blog thing people are doing so here goes:

Who did you want to be when you were little & why?
I wanted to be Cher because she had all of these great outfits, long beautiful hair, and she was supposed to be part American Indian and I thought that was exotic. Oh and she had her own TV show.

What is your idea of a fun Friday night?
This one is easy. Me and Twinkie (and all the rest of the rag-tag gang) heading to the local redneck bar to drink, people watch and belt-out some great karaoke tunes.

The best nights are when Twinkie plans to drink heavily (most of the time I am the designated driver) and some toothless redneck tries to pick us up. It's pure comedy to watch us in action.

When was the last time you were on a rollercoaster?
It was either the wooden coaster at Cedar Point or the Beast at Kings Island. Either way, it would have been in the mid-'90s. Bit-o-trivia: I never ride anything that goes upside down.

Where did you grow up?
Louisville, Kentucky

How did you meet your husband?
I could just say "in a bar" but I will give you the long colorful version...

I had been single for about 7 months (from husband #2) and had sworn off relationships forever. An old high-school boyfriend had the hots for one of my friends and asked us to hang out with him and his friends at a small redneck bar.

The place was packed and my husband had stopped off on his way home from his new job. He had been out of work for the past year due to a serious illness and he was just starting life over in Louisville.

He was sitting at the bar with another regular, checking out some of my friends and out of the blue I came dancing around the bar, smoking a big fat cigar, being the life of the party. He claims it was love at first sight. Unfortunately, my friend Sarah kept giving anyone that looked at us the evil eye so he left without approaching us. I had noticed him too; he was the only person in the redneck dive with a coat and tie on, so he stuck out.

I met someone else that night and agreed to meet him at the bar the next night. My "date" was late so I sat at the bar talking to a toothless bar fly named PJ. Mark decided to stop in again to see if I was there. He walked in, sat down beside me and PJ introduced us.

My date finally showed up, but Mark stayed close by. Halfway through the night I found out that the "date" was married and I whispered to Mark that I did not date married men, but not to let the guy know.

Mark and the "date" spent the night trying to out spend each other to impress me. Needless to say, I had way too many Jack on the Rocks and was drunk, drunk, drunk.

At closing time (4 am) the date offered to let me sleep on his couch. I said "I'm sure your wife would like that." He said, "Oh she is out of town but I promise nothing will happen, you can just sleep."

Mark responded, "That's the worst closing line I've ever heard." I laughed so hard that the "date" stood up and left. Then Mark said, "I will drive you home in your car and take a taxi back so you don't have to drive." That's when my old boyfriend dangled my car keys and said, "that's okay buddy we have it handled."

When we were walking out Mark asked me if I would meet him the next weekend for a drink. I lied and said yes, at the time I had no intention of meeting him.

All week my friends kept telling me I should meet Mark for the drink; they said he seemed nice. The last thing I wanted was a nice guy who wanted a relationship.

But my friend and I did go to the bar and Mark walked in soon after I did. I spent the entire night telling him that I didn't want a relationship. We had a pleasant evening and then he walked me to the car. It was lightly raining and he leaned in and kissed me. We stood in the rain kissing for about 45 minutes until my friend said she was leaving without me.

Mark offered to drive me home, I invited him in for a drink and, well...He never left. In fact, we have only been apart for two nights in the past 7 ½ years. We got married 10 months after we first met, the wedding was at the redneck karaoke bar.

Want a piece of the action?If you are interested in being interviewed by me, here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions here. They will be different questions than the ones above.

3. You will update YOUR blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Starla's gone. This will mean nothing to most of you and I am not ready to go into the painful details just yet.

Let's just say that Starla is one of the reasons we are leaving town. So it's sort of Shakespearian that it all came to a dramatic end today.

It's been almost 12 months since she first came to town. And in that short period of time she managed to turn my life into something that you would see on a "ripped from the headlines" crime drama.

Tonight I stood in the bus station, looking at her face, bruised and swollen from the beatings, her neck covered in cuts, her once long and beautiful hair hacked off in several places and I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that I would make everything okay.

But I can't make it okay. I did not cause the damage and I can't fix her. All I could do was put her on a bus. A bus heading north, back to the father who started the legacy of pain.

All I could do was say goodbye.

Anyone who knows me can tell you that my life is usually chaos. In fact, I have the worst luck of anyone I know -- like they say on Hee Haw, "If it weren’t fer bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."

But for the past two days everything seems to be falling in place. A friend who owed me money for a long time suddenly called and said he had it. Then we found out that we got the house we wanted in NC.

And my psycho half-sister called and said she was coming by tomorrow to finally get all of her stuff out of my garage.

So what's up, has my luck finally improved? I'm not sure, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It's 27 days until moving day.

I think I am going to lose my mind. I need to move by May 10 and I also need to get rid of 50% of the contents of a 5 bedroom house plus a 3 car garage full of furniture and a large storage room full of junk. This is when being a pack rat comes back to bite ya in the ass.

Get ready for the mother of all yard sales.

I have not posted anything this week because the most bizarre twist of fate has occurred.

Anyone who knows me or has read my 100 things post knows:
1. I lived in North Carolina in the mid '80s
2. I owned two restaurants while I was in NC

About 6 weeks ago I was trolling the Web and stumbled across a site for a small town I had lived in. It's just outside of Raleigh. I was curious to see what had changed in the past 17 years so I started to follow links. I stumbled onto a job posting that sounded very interesting. The deadline was in 4 days and you had to fill out an official application.

Never thinking that they would interview me, I requested an application. They sent the application overnight mail and that left me three days to get it back. I almost threw it away but decided what the heck, it will never get back in time anyway.

Making a long story short, I interviewed; they made an offer; I accepted; and we will need to be there in 4 weeks.

This is the same small town where my ex-husband and I owned the restaurants. It's also the same town that he grew up in and his family has lived in since the town was founded. Of course we have a daughter together so they are her relatives also.

Now it's not like I had any pending job opportunities in Louisville. In fact, in the past eight months I have not even had an interview. And it has been 17 years since I left there so things have changed.

But now I am having major panic attacks.

I am leaving all my friends, my family, our kids who are in college. The good news is my husband is excited. At least I don't have to drag him kicking and screaming.

The problem is that I have this nagging feeling that you should never try to relive the past.

CNN.com has a flash retrospective of Pope John Paul II 's life. I thought it was very touching except at the bottom of the pop-up window there is a credit score ad.

Does this bother anyone else? Couldn't they skip the paid ads out of respect? I clicked through a second time and it was a Weight Watchers ad.

The other day I was talking with Twinkie and I found out some things that surprised me. Twinkie and I have shared quite a few crazy escapades and you have to know someone pretty well to trust them with "drunk off your ass, making a fool of yourself" type of secrets.

It's really silly what surprised me. I asked her if she had seen Neverland -- Twinkie is a major film buff. She said, "No because I hate Johnny Depp."

SHE HATES JOHNNY DEPP??

How can she hate Johnny Depp? We are so much alike in other ways. Not believing what I just heard, I asked her about his outstanding performance in Pirates of the Caribbean. She's never seen it.

By this time I was stunned. Then she dropped another bombshell. She has never watched Titanic. I was sure everyone had seen this movie, but not Twinkie. She said she stays away from movies that are over-hyped.

This was something that I never knew about her.

Then I started to think about how few people really know me. They only know the version of me that I want them to see. Depending on who they are, they can get two completely different personalities.

So who really knows me? I think my husband knows me pretty well; at least he knows most of my faults and somehow still loves me.

And Twinkie knows me pretty well. She is one of those people who can look right through the facade and see the real you.

A few weeks ago we had my hubby's annual birthday bash. Twinkie always looks forward to this event because you never know what is going to happen. It's also one of the few occasions where she lets herself get ripped. On this occasion, I found out how well she really knew me.

You see, few realize that I am a master manipulator. In fact, I do it for sport.

It's not something I do everyday, normally I only do it in a bar full of drunks. I get a rush out of convincing drunks to do something that they normally wouldn't do. In fact, I am so good at it, that they think it is their own idea.

One of my best stunts was the time that I convinced "Sue" (not her real name) that the guy across the bar from us was really hot.

Now Sue knew this guy, he was part of our bar crowd. That night she was very condescending about him and making comments about what a loser he was. Half way through the night I whispered to my friend, "Watch me convince Sue to hook up with XXX?"

It took me about two hours of pretending that I thought he was the hottest thing walking but she started moving his way. I new I had her when I said, "if I was not married I would let him treat me right." She said "Really?" She said it in that "I never really looked at it that way" tone. I knew all I had to do was reel her in.

This was classic persuasion – almost a textbook case. This poor guy even had a date with him that night and "Sue" ended up running her off by threatening to "kick her ass if she did not stay away from her man." She had decided this guy was going home with her, no matter what. Sue won the prize and took the poor sap home for the night.

The next morning "Sue" called.

Sue: What the f*ck happened? Oh my God, how in the hell did I end up with him?

Me: I couldn't believe it. You started telling me that you though he was hot and you wanted to take him home. I tried to talk you out of it but you kept saying that he was so hot. I tried to talk you out of it, but you had your sights set on him.

Sue: I have to quit drinking so much. I can't believe I wanted him. Arrrruggghhhh,

Me: Yeah you probably shouldn't drink so much; someone might take advantage of you.

Did I ever feel any guilt? Yes, a little remorse toward the guy. Come to find out, he had always had a crush on Sue but thought she was out of his league. But then again, he did get a night with his dream girl out of it without even trying. I am the one who did all the hard work.

Fast forward to the birthday bash...

At one point I tried to convince Twinkie to do some dirty dancing with a bar newbie named Joe. I thought it would be fun to watch Joe try and keep up. I'm not sure what I said to her, but I insinuated that Joe had challenged her dancing ability.

Drunk as she was, she turned around and said, "I think you are mistaken, I am one of the staff."

"What?" I said, momentarily confused.

Twinkie replied, "You don’t realize who you are talking to, I am one of the staff, I know your agenda."

I laughed so hard coke flew out my nose. By telling me that she was "one of the staff" she was really saying that I could not play with her because she already new the plan.

Yeah, Twinkie knows me.

Maybe I am just being hormonal, but I cried when I read this article in Wired.

I mean I really cried, and cried, and cried...........